I always wanted to play
In the school football team
But the coach said I wasn't fast enough
I wasn't no good it seemed
I used to watch them practice
But I never got a game
I went to every trial they had
But every time I failed
I didn't want to be pele
Unlike all my mates
That wasn't my ambition
I just wanted once to play
The football team would travel out
Playing other schools
But they'd never take me on the bus
Although I begged them to
Of course they'd all return
With talk of robbo's goals
And how little nobby forder
Took the defense all on his own
All the ninety minutes were relived
Well, that's how to me it seemed
As I sat in awe and watched myself
Playing in my dreams
In my dreams...
Playing in my dreams...
In my dreams...
But never once the real thing
They'd never let me play
They just said I wasn't good enough
And I'd just get in the way
But then one day it happened
A real scorcher in mid-march
Paul robbo broke his leg
And nobby forder holidayed in france
Kevin soaper and big nose duggan
They both caught chicken pox
They were both at home confined to bed
To nurse their itchy spots
It was the all-important semi-final
Second leg of the cup
Against local rivals queensbury boy's school
They were one nil up
The coach turned to me in desperation
And he pleaded for my help
This is it, your big chance david!
Can you make the numbers up?
Well I grinned from ear to ear
And I must have looked quite chuffed
As I seized my opportunity
And told him to get stuffed!

• A Fairy Tale
• A Lament to The Best
• Act With Mother
• Adversity
• Ah-men
• All The King's Men
• Always Tell The Voter What The Voter Wants to Hear
• Amereicha
• An Psalm
• Ashes to Ashes
• Asleep
• Australian Rules Football
• Awake
• Awesome Wheels
• Babbernation
• Because I'm a He
• Behave!
• Bella Ciao
• Benefits of The Game
• Big Mouth Strikes Again
• Bing Oh!
• Bob Beamon
• Catastrophe Reality
• Celebration, Florida
• Colliers March
• Come on Baby
• Comic-tragic-magic
• Dad's Mascot
• Declaring Peace
• Desmond
• Desmond Lynam's Sports Trivia
• Disabled Sports
• Disagreement
• Does God Go to The Toilet?
• Drugs
• Dumbing Down
• Education
• Ever Heard The One About The Pacemaker?
• Fight The Alton Bill!
• Fitzwilliam
• Flesh & Blood & Feelings
• For Those of You Watching in Black & White
• Graham Hill
• Groundhopping
• Happiness is Just a Chant Away
• Here's to The Rest of Your Life
• Hey Hey We're The Junkies
• Heysel Stadium
• Hmmm...
• Horses for Courses
• House Plants
• How Dare They Call It Football?
• Hurling & Imperialism
• I'm Coming Out
• I'm in Trouble Again
• I'm Not Sorry I Was Having Fun
• I'm Thick
• I'm With Stupid
• In The Thick of It
• Indoor League
• Insectkind
• Invasion
• Irish Joke
• Isn't It Horrible?
• Isolation
• It's a Man's Game
• Jack Horner
• Jesus in Vegas
• Jimmy Hill
• Jingle Smells
• K-2
• Karl Marx Never Made The Squad
• Kinnochio
• Knickers
• Knit Your Own Balaclava
• Ladies for Compassionate Lynching
• Lay People
• Leather on Willow, Etc.
• Let It Be
• Liberation
• Lie Lie Lie Lie
• Look! No Strings!
• Lying in The Dirt
• Man Papers His Crack
• Martini People
• Mary, Mary
• May Day
• Memories of Shilts
• Michaelangelo
• Mick Mcmanus' Haircut
• Moses With a Gun
• Mountain Biking
• Nadzeroon El Babo
• Naming Names
• New York Mining Disaster 1941
• Nothing That's New
• One Under Par
• One Way System
• Orienteering
• Outfoxed
• P. E.
• Pass It Along
• Pop Star Kidnap
• Punch Drunk
• Remembrance Day
• Rich Popstars Make Good Socialists
• Rip It Up
• Saying No
• Scare City
• School Team
• Seoul Music
• Seven Days
• Shake Baby Shake
• She's Got All The Friends That Money Can Buy
• Shhh
• Shock! Horror!
• Shoot
• Shot
• Smart Bomb
• Smash Clause 28!
• Snip Snip Snip
• Social Dogma
• Somebody Else
• Sometimes Plunder
• Spassky Fischer
• Sports
• Stagnation
• Stitch That!
• Studmarks on The Summits
• Sugar Daddy
• Sunday League Footy
• Tearing up Zoo
• The Ballad of Peoplekind
• The Bull Fights Back
• The Candidates Find Common Ground
• The Choice is Yours
• The Diggers Song
• The Good Ship Lifestyle
• The Health & Happiness Show
• The Incompatibility of Sport & Cosmic Consciousness
• The Physical Impossibility of Death in The Mind of Jerry Springer
• The Police Have Been Wonderful
• The Rise & Fall & Rise of Greavsie
• The Standing Still
• The Tree of Knowledge
• The Triumph of General Ludd
• The Wasteland
• Thorn-emi Lighting
• Three Years Later
• Times of Crisis
• Today's Sermon
• Top of The World
• We Support All Forms of Resistance Against This Racist System
• We Want Beans Not Goals
• Where Did The Chinaman Go?
• Whilst Stocks Last
• Wormkind
• Www Dot
• You Can't Trust Anyone Nowadays
• Younger Moralists
• Yup & Under