British champion for fifty years
Easily beats all his challengers
Bored of always being the best
He'd rather be like all the rest
Miscuing shots and fluffing smashes
Missing the table and losing matches
Now with pressure from above
He was forced to carry on
You're the best, don't you want to win?
To which he replied with a cheeky grin
I'm bored of always being the best
I'd rather be like all the rest!
Desmond rebelled, now he plays for fun
He loses a game now and then
He enjoys it, though, playing for pleasure
Without the competition, without the pressure
Miscuing shots and fluffing smashes
Missing the table and losing matches

• A Fairy Tale
• A Lament to The Best
• Act With Mother
• Adversity
• Ah-men
• All The King's Men
• Always Tell The Voter What The Voter Wants to Hear
• Amereicha
• An Psalm
• Ashes to Ashes
• Asleep
• Australian Rules Football
• Awake
• Awesome Wheels
• Babbernation
• Because I'm a He
• Behave!
• Bella Ciao
• Benefits of The Game
• Big Mouth Strikes Again
• Bing Oh!
• Bob Beamon
• Catastrophe Reality
• Celebration, Florida
• Colliers March
• Come on Baby
• Comic-tragic-magic
• Dad's Mascot
• Declaring Peace
• Desmond
• Desmond Lynam's Sports Trivia
• Disabled Sports
• Disagreement
• Does God Go to The Toilet?
• Drugs
• Dumbing Down
• Education
• Ever Heard The One About The Pacemaker?
• Fight The Alton Bill!
• Fitzwilliam
• Flesh & Blood & Feelings
• For Those of You Watching in Black & White
• Graham Hill
• Groundhopping
• Happiness is Just a Chant Away
• Here's to The Rest of Your Life
• Hey Hey We're The Junkies
• Heysel Stadium
• Hmmm...
• Horses for Courses
• House Plants
• How Dare They Call It Football?
• Hurling & Imperialism
• I'm Coming Out
• I'm in Trouble Again
• I'm Not Sorry I Was Having Fun
• I'm Thick
• I'm With Stupid
• In The Thick of It
• Indoor League
• Insectkind
• Invasion
• Irish Joke
• Isn't It Horrible?
• Isolation
• It's a Man's Game
• Jack Horner
• Jesus in Vegas
• Jimmy Hill
• Jingle Smells
• K-2
• Karl Marx Never Made The Squad
• Kinnochio
• Knickers
• Knit Your Own Balaclava
• Ladies for Compassionate Lynching
• Lay People
• Leather on Willow, Etc.
• Let It Be
• Liberation
• Lie Lie Lie Lie
• Look! No Strings!
• Lying in The Dirt
• Man Papers His Crack
• Martini People
• Mary, Mary
• May Day
• Memories of Shilts
• Michaelangelo
• Mick Mcmanus' Haircut
• Moses With a Gun
• Mountain Biking
• Nadzeroon El Babo
• Naming Names
• New York Mining Disaster 1941
• Nothing That's New
• One Under Par
• One Way System
• Orienteering
• Outfoxed
• P. E.
• Pass It Along
• Pop Star Kidnap
• Punch Drunk
• Remembrance Day
• Rich Popstars Make Good Socialists
• Rip It Up
• Saying No
• Scare City
• School Team
• Seoul Music
• Seven Days
• Shake Baby Shake
• She's Got All The Friends That Money Can Buy
• Shhh
• Shock! Horror!
• Shoot
• Shot
• Smart Bomb
• Smash Clause 28!
• Snip Snip Snip
• Social Dogma
• Somebody Else
• Sometimes Plunder
• Spassky Fischer
• Sports
• Stagnation
• Stitch That!
• Studmarks on The Summits
• Sugar Daddy
• Sunday League Footy
• Tearing up Zoo
• The Ballad of Peoplekind
• The Bull Fights Back
• The Candidates Find Common Ground
• The Choice is Yours
• The Diggers Song
• The Good Ship Lifestyle
• The Health & Happiness Show
• The Incompatibility of Sport & Cosmic Consciousness
• The Physical Impossibility of Death in The Mind of Jerry Springer
• The Police Have Been Wonderful
• The Rise & Fall & Rise of Greavsie
• The Standing Still
• The Tree of Knowledge
• The Triumph of General Ludd
• The Wasteland
• Thorn-emi Lighting
• Three Years Later
• Times of Crisis
• Today's Sermon
• Top of The World
• We Support All Forms of Resistance Against This Racist System
• We Want Beans Not Goals
• Where Did The Chinaman Go?
• Whilst Stocks Last
• Wormkind
• Www Dot
• You Can't Trust Anyone Nowadays
• Younger Moralists
• Yup & Under