Welcome to never mind the ballots. the phone lines are now open. if you'd like to put a question to the candidates the number to ring is oh five three two seven seven nine six four three
You want jobs? I've got jobs!
Hospitals? top of my list!
Tax cuts and platform shoes
For every small businessman
Just give me your vote
Just give me your vote
Schools, prisons? of course we'll build them!
Condoms for the american gis!
Nuclear reactors breed like rabbits
Police oppression? you can have it, sir!
Just give me your vote
Put your cross in the box
Hello, we've got our first caller. you're name's martin. hello martin. you listened to our stated policy. well martin to tell you the truth I couldn't agree with you more. it's outrageous, disgusting. but unlike my colleague on my right, we're the party who say what we do, do what we say. you can bank on us martin.
Good evening, shirley. I'm so glad that you've rung. the matter is as dear to me as it is to you. give me four years and I'll get right down to it. because unlike my little balding colleague on my left, we don't make promises we can't keep.
You still there, martin? good, just one more thing. give us your vote
You want houses? see me afterwards
Want my autograph? see my bodyguard
Pre-election budget handouts
You want a war? no problem!
Just give me your vote
Just give me your vote

• A Fairy Tale
• A Lament to The Best
• Act With Mother
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• All The King's Men
• Always Tell The Voter What The Voter Wants to Hear
• Amereicha
• An Psalm
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• Awake
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• Behave!
• Bella Ciao
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• Big Mouth Strikes Again
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• Bob Beamon
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• Colliers March
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• Dad's Mascot
• Declaring Peace
• Desmond
• Desmond Lynam's Sports Trivia
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• Does God Go to The Toilet?
• Drugs
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• Ever Heard The One About The Pacemaker?
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• Fitzwilliam
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• For Those of You Watching in Black & White
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• Hmmm...
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• Shot
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• The Ballad of Peoplekind
• The Bull Fights Back
• The Candidates Find Common Ground
• The Choice is Yours
• The Diggers Song
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• The Physical Impossibility of Death in The Mind of Jerry Springer
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• Where Did The Chinaman Go?
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