News:

A well-known bognor restaurant-owner disappeared
Early this morning.
Last seen in a mouse-brown overcoat,
Suitably camouflaged,
They saw him catch a train.

Man-in-the-street:

Father of three it's disgusting
Such a horrible thing to do
Harold the barrel cut off his toes and he served them all
For tea
Can't go far, he can't go far.
Hasn't got a leg to stand on
He can't go far.

Man-on-the-spot:

I'm standing in a doorway on the main square
Tension is mounting
There's a restless crowd of angry people

Man-on-the-council:

More than we've ever seen.
- had to tighten up security

Over to the scene at the town hall
The lord mayor's ready to speak

Lord mayor:

Man of suspicion, you can't last long, the british public
Is on our side

British public:

Can't last long, you can't last long.
Said you couldn't trust him, his brother was just the same
You can't last long.

Harold:

If I was many miles from here,
I'd be sailing in an open boat on the sea
Instead I'm on this window ledge,
With the whole world below
Up at the window
Look at the window...

Mr.plod:
We can help you

Plod's chorus:
We can help you

Mr. plod:
We're all your friends, if you come on down
And talk to us son

Harold:
You must be joking
Take a running jump

The crowd was getting stronger and our harold
Getting weaker;
Forwards, backwards, swaying side to side
Fearing the very worst
They called his mother to the sight
Upon the ledge beside him
His mother made a last request.

67-yr-old mrs barrel:
Come off the ledge if your father were alive he'd be very,
Very, very upset.
Just can't jump, you just can't jump
Your shirt's all dirty, there's a man here from
The b.b.c.
You just can't jump

Mr. plod:
We can help you

Plod's chorus:
We can help you

Mr. plod:
We're all your friends, if you come on down
And talk to us harry

Harold:
You must be joking.
Take a running jump......

• For Absent Friends
• Harlequin
• Harold The Barrel
• Seven Stones
• The Fountain of Salmacis
• The Musical Box
• The Return of The Giant Hogweed